hello readers,
im back. Back from being gone for a long time. im sorry for those who missed me. A lot has changed. A lot. For the better, I believe. Some might not agree but they will get over it.
Now i know my past posts seemed extremely positive....which is fine, and i was always honest. but NOW, now its time to be real. this is me, Candace Cook, writing to you, The Reader.
A month ago i moved back to southern california from Chico. at first, i wasnt too sure about it. i made a few mistakes at first. but it was different this time. instead of blowing off my faults and missteps i acknowledged them and FELT the pain. which was new for me. i was ashamed of my past and what seemed to be my present. but then i realized that LIFE didnt have to be this. I was making it into this and making it STAY like this. so i decided that LIFE was >(greater than) my poor choices. so i changed them.
i knew moving back home would be a challenge. not just going back to my bar, or my friends, but also my family. it was hard. they only knew what i had told them and what they knew i was writing on here. but it was so much bigger than that. it was such a struggle living away from them and my life. the hardest part was seeing the disapproval form back in my families eyes as i disappeared for weekends at a time to go back to costa mesa to see friends. i always thought to myself "if only they knew what's really going on". because they didnt. so i learned that FAMILY is > secrets. so i opened up. i was honest. it lead to a few quarrels. but in the end i know it made certain relationships stronger. and then i learned that being HONEST is > lies and assumptions.
so im unemployed....weirdest thing in my life right now. i feel like im wandering....with no direction. which is hard for a girl like me. i like direction. i like structure. but the past few weeks im learning that TIME is > no time at all. life is so short....always heard that being said...never felt it till now. im not wasting another minute. i may not have a job but that doesnt mean i dont have a voice, or feet, or hands.....use them! experience things that still exist....make things that dont already exist..... LIVING is> wasting life. so dont.
now some may notice that in the past im talking about God and Jesus alot. and quoting the bible. well, i still LOVE God and Jesus VERY much. but im trying to find my OWN direction. im in the middle of a church hunt. i need a place to worship where i am comfortable and dont already have an established rank because of my last name. I need a place where i can be myself and dont already have my story written for me. a SACRED PLACE with broken people is > a FANCY BUILDING with fancy people.
i hope you all understand where im going with this. im just being real. im being honest. im being ME.
so what would you fill the blanks in with? ______ is > _______
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