I came up with an analogy yesterday while i was on the phone with a friend back home. we were talking about when i visit home and i go to my old watering hole Patrick's Pub and how i plan on going there but not drinking alcohol. drinking is like a fancy pair of high heel shoes. they are shiny and sparkly and sooo adorable but i know once i put them on i wont be able to walk and i will fall right over and realize i wasted a ton of money buying that pair of shoes. drinking is the same thing to me. it looks so fun and it tastes good and it seems like a great idea but i know, for myself, if i indulge in that life style i will postpone my walk with God and probably fall right over into my old way of life and not to mention the price tag of drinking.
this past week i have found myself living outside my body. i observed my life from the outside in. i learned alot about myself and the people i surround my self with. first of all let me say that i have amazing examples. i love that i have girls my age i can learn from, adults i can learn from and even children. tell me a four year old cant teach you something about living life for Jesus and i will prove you wrong. i have even found great example and guidance in my cousin-in-law that lives in southern California. i think after my last post i needed to evaluate my life and my time here in Chico. (Thank You to everyone that sent words of encouragement and prayers. i know they were answered and i know i am a stronger person because of it.)
i think I'm getting past the phase of my rehabilitation where its temptation that controls me. I'm getting to the point where i have to decide right from wrong. i know my life is better because i have given it up, i know that my relationships are healthier because of it and i know that my future is brighter leaving it behind. but it is so hard to accept God's desires for my life. its like the shoes. it looks so great but sometime you are so blinded by the "fancy fun" that you look past the hurt and pain it causes. i am still tempted, don't get me wrong, but its not as compelling as it was in the beginning. i know that God desires for me to live my life for Him in every aspect and i desire that life too. but i look around me and see all of these Godly people and i become jealous. why cant i be that devoted to God? why cant i just live my life that way and be as happy as they are? why do i have to make it so difficult? and then i realize its because i don't think i am good enough. i don't think i will be able to learn the bible well enough or learn how to pray perfectly. i do want God's desires in my life, i just don't think i am worthy.
thank goodness the bible makes it clear that i am good enough and no sin i have committed is too big to be forgiven. i am so thankful that i have given my life to Him and that from now on my body is filled with the Holy Spirit. i wish i had my bible with me so i could post scripture but unfortunately i am at work right now. but if you know any verses that speak of the Holy Spirit and God's love and grace for us please post them as a comment or email me.
as of tomorrow i will be sober for TWO MONTHS!!! if you know anything about my past year and a half you know that this is kind of a really big deal. it feels so good to have an accomplishment of some sort under my belt. here are a few things that have changed just because i stopped drinking: i have lost weight! i have stopped smoking! i have stopped being promiscuous! i have stopped cursing with my words! and i have learned how to have fun and enjoy my surroundings with out alcohol or drugs involved! i am very excited for this milestone in my life and look forward to another two months!
i have so many great plans for the next month and look forward to sharing my experiences with all of you. i am looking forward to the holiday season that seems to be poking his little head out.
again, thank you to all who encourage me to keep persevering towards my walk with God and encouraging me to stay on the path of sobriety. your prayers couldn't be anymore appreciated! Love you all!
God Bless
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