2:Overcoming the Cravings

If you have ever tried to overcome addiction you know what im going through right now. right now im struggling with three addictions. but im only going to talk about one in this blog.
yesterday i gave into my addiction to cigarettes. i started smoking when i was 18 years old in my senior year of high school. it was very on and off for a few years but in 2010, when i moved to orange county, it pretty much became an everyday thing.
Started out in the bars and when i would drink or hang out with smokers but then i started smoking at work and in my car.
looking back now it made me feel accepted. i was part of the "smokers group". when i was at the bar, i felt like part of the "cool group" because i was a smoker and hanging out with the bartenders on their breaks. or at work i felt accepted because i was invited on the smoke breaks.
so now my identity was becoming "smoker".
when i made my decision to move to Chico i decided that my 8hr drive was my last chance to be a smoker. so i bought two packs assuming i would go through both of them. God, is so amazing. In my eight hours i didnt once think of the cigarettes. i didnt smoke one of them. i couldnt believe it. after that i thought this whole "quiting" thing would be easy.
which it was for about two weeks. after two weeks i had my first craving. so on my way to work i prayed. i asked God to help me over come the craving. even after praying and talking to God i still proceeded to light a cigarette. it tasted familiar but not as familiar as i remembered. i didnt enjoy it. so i smoked half of it and put it out. i felt horrible for doing it but knew that i had, somehow, gotten closer to quiting by reminding myself how awful it tasted.
i called a close friend to confess that i had done what i did and she suggested i throw away the rest of the cigarettes. i did. which costs about $12.
I went another two weeks without cravings. then this week it hit me like a train! every day i had a craving. everyday i thought of going out and buying a pack. but i didnt. until yesterday.
yesterday morning i had to be at work at 6:45am. so i stopped at 7-11 on my way for some coffee. i gave in and bought a pack of cigarettes.
i held the pack in my hand, unopened, for about 10 minutes. then i opened it and prayed. i asked God why i had bought them. why did i give into temptation. and i felt urged to smoke one. for some reason i felt like God was telling me to smoke one. which i could, and probably was, very wrong about that.
so i took one out and held it in my hand for a little while. then put it in my mouth for a few minutes, just letting it sit in between my lips. i could smell the tobacco, taste the filter. it all felt so familiar but foreign at the same time.
then i lit it.... took a puff. and let it out.
it was horrible. more horrible then two weeks before when i smoked one. it was the worst taste i had ever encountered. i only took two more puffs before letting it burn out.
now, im still trying to figure out why i did it or why it was so awful to me now. ive been smoking the same cigarettes for almost a year now. i dont understand why it my opinion of them would change.

Philippians 3: 12-14 says "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took  hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. but one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
This gives me comfort in Christ to know that I may fail because I havent taken hold of my addictions yet But for as long as i am on the right road and working towards living a life for Christ i will overcome it all.
After i smoked that cigarette I felt a strange comfort. Not a comfort of the cigarette but the comfort of God. Knowing that he forgave me for my actions and knowing that i was one step closer to overcoming my addiction to cigarettes.
I hope you look into your life and think about your addictions. It may not be something destructive like smoking or drinking, but it may be something small that you havent thought of being an addiction. my challenge to you is to address it. Be aware of it. And challenge it. Talk to God about it. Give it to God and watch Him transform your life.
-God Bless